My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
