Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
