I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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