Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
