Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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