ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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