Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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