i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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