Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize