I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
