She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
