Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
