I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize