I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
