i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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