Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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