i think my mom watched the whole time
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
