I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
