Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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