So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
