Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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