So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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