No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
