We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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