I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
