I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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