End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
