Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
