while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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