Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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