i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Shame - the story of my life.
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