we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
