There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
