we have pet lesbian snakes
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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