all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Pooping to opera.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize