hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
