Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
