Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I supernannyed him into submission
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
