Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
