is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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