i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
