3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
