I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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