the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
