I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize