wakey wakey hands off snakey
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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