If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
