then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
