while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
