so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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