I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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