If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
