i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I could fuck to npr.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
