I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
