Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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