I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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