if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
