Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
