Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I bet he comes in French.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
