How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
