Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
