I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
