I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
