This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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