I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
