I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
