Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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