Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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