i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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